An endless search

“Your love haunts me… I can see you in the street, I can see you when I look up at the sky, you’re even here now…. with me….
Your love haunts me, while your memory dances in my mind… I think of you no matter what I do, no matter how I am…
Your love haunts me… your eyes watch me… every tear I shed, it’s all for you… every sad glance I throw, it’s all yours…
Your love haunts me… your heart follows me everywhere, while I’m looking for my own… What have you done with it? Where do you keep it and why can’t I follow it there?
Your love haunts me…. to you I give my every breath, my every thought, my every glance… to you I give it all…
My love haunts you… I follow you everywhere, my spirit knows your every move, my heart feels your every heartbeat… My body’s dead… My memory’s helping me write, your love is where from I take my air…. I’m numb…. I can’t see the room around me… I’m dreaming…. You’re here holding my hand, the hand I can no longer feel…. Don’t try to bring the love back to me, stand no chance! I’m fading away, tear by tear, memory by memory…. The show must go on…
I wipe my tears, I put on the smile that nowadays covers my face… and I enter the world… but people are frightened when they see me…. I feel as if I’m not from this world anymore… Where do I belong now?
But you’re not here… and the memories start leaving my mind, one by one, hurting my head, making me kneel before them and beg…
Without you I am nothing! I cry…. But they are going farther and farther away, and they are not coming back again…never…never….never….never….never….never….
I’m dying…but my love for you is eternal…
I’m dying….and I take your memory in my grave…
I’m dying…and your face I shall never see again…
I’m dying…. and I haven’t said goodbye…
I’m dying…but that is just an illusion… One summer day, in the sunshine, you smiled at me… and that made me immortal… I rise to heaven, I look around in the light, and then down, and I see you…. Near the ocean, on the ground, gazing at the horinzon… And that is not a dream, nor an illusion… I have found what I was looking for… I can see my heart….
“Et si tu n’existais pas,
Dis-moi pourquoi j’existerais”

The monologue of a soul

These are all stories written at a time when there was no me left. They were my way of saying “I love you” at a time I thought no one would hear me.
Take them as simple pieces of a travelling soul…

“Blood stains all over my memories… How did I end up like this? Who am I? Though I could love, thoulg I could care…. Wish I could hurt myself, and stop everything else from hurting me… My soul is yours for the taken…and I am yours forever…
Memories dancing in my head… my heart lingers for your touch… your sweet angel’s touch…. My soul needs an embrace… Everything’s so dark in here… I’ve lost my light….”

Are u willing to wait?

” Would I wait for 2 years, or 10 years or whatever?
I would, but would u?
Would u wait, not being sure of what awaits u at the end of ur waiting? Would u wait, just like that, there and now, smiling at a future u are not so sure will come?
Would u wait, not feeling that u’are wasting ur time and life with this waiting?
Would u wait, all alone, letting loneliness sorround u, feeling no remorse and having no second thoughts?
Would u wait, and while waiting, think that the sky above our heads is one for all of us, and for the 2 of us?
I would, but would u?
If ur answer is yes, it means that u know what love is, u know how love is, u don’t fear sufferance, u are never truly alone, u have understood the beauty and complexity of living.
If ur answer to this is no, it means that u are afraid to let ur mind explore the world thru ur heart, u feed on appereances, crave for superficial attention, keep ur inner-self away from the touch of the exterior.
If u are lying to urself about this it means that u are or u wanna be desperate, u long for shared and cherished love, yet hide that, fear to truly and completely give urself, are hopinf for it all “just to happen”

Answer…

A treia oara lp2303

Pentru tine, my girl… atunci cand cuvintele nu sunt deajuns…
Happy Birthday to… us!

-honeybunny

(atunci) cand ma privesti

Calatoresc, calatoresc, draga… ma simti? Te privesc. Chiar in ochi, si-n ochii tai, nu ai altcuiva, ochii tai unde frazele sunt mai lungi decat limba romana poate permite, unde totul se cuprinde singur si se pierde, unde se intalnesc norii si pietrele, unde ne sarutam la lumina flacarii ce tot in ei se gaseste, dragostea se pierde, dar se regaseste, nu are unde fugi, e prinsa si ea, cu mine, cu tine (ne amestecam), in negrul ochilor tai, in profundul fara fund, in adanc, in tine, unde privesc si timpul sta in loc, unde calatoresc, calatoresc, draga… ma simti?
Si frazele se termina cu intrebari, dar nu intrebari de nesiguranta, intrebari de om pierdut, pierdut fara speranta, sunt fara speranta in fata ta, caci atunci imi prinzi privirea, nu-ti mai scap, sunt prins, prizonier, cu tine (ne amestecam) cu tine, cu dragoste, cu zambetul cel care te face sa te simti frumoasa cand ma privesti, cu frumusetea fara sfarsit, cu sufletul nostru, la singular, uau! la singular acest zambet ne umple, sufletul nostru… ne umple.
Si frazele nu se mai termina… nu stiu unde ma aflu, altundeva decat cu tine. Ma privesti, si nu mai pleci, nu te mai opresti, ma iubesti. Ma iubesti, acum, aici?
Ma iubesti…

Am un tweety care blinkaie, si pentru ca blinkaie mai rar decat inima mea cand te simte, mai rar decat ochii tai cand ma privesc, mai rar decat picura picaturi de ploaie in jurul nostru, mai incet decat se va invarti lumea cand ne vom reuni intr-un sarut, pentru toate astea si inca multe altele il fac eu sa blinkaie, il iau in mana si ma joc cu bateria…
Si ma plimb prin tine, cand ma privesti, ma plimb si nu mi-e frica de nimic, nici macar de ce ti-e tie frica, si nu e ciudat, si e liber, si simt cum tremuri, cum locurile cele pline de emotie aproape-ti dau lacrimi in ochi, dar ei raman deschisi, ma privesti, ma privesti si cand privesti in jur, si cand dormi, si cand fugi de tine, si cand fugi de mine, nu, nu, si tu esti prinsa in privirea ta, caci te iubesc acolo, si ma iubesti acolo, si suntem fara scapare, in ochii tai intunecati, unde suntem halucinant de vii, nu-i asa? Plini de poezie, cu tine (ne amestecam)
… gandurile-n noapte ne sunt o alta amintire, sunt o alta legatura, sunt expresia privirii, privirii dintre noi. Si ma privesti…

Cand ma privesti, timpul se opreste.
Cand ma privesti, frazele, oricat de lungi ar fi, nu sunt suficiente.
Cand ma privesti aducem toata lumea inauntru.

Suntem egoisti?
Suntem posesivi?
Suntem prea ingrijorati? Prea implicati?
Prea multe griji sa pun atatea astfel de intrebari, nu?

Cand ma privesti, nu sunt nicaieri si in acelasi timp sunt peste tot, sunt… acolo, ma absorbi. Cand ma privesti ma iubesti! Dar cand nu ma privesti? Ne amestecam… gandurile-n noapte. Ne amestecam pana ajungem soapte. Si suntem atat de mici si prostuti incat si acum, aici, traim undeva, traim impreuna, si nu conteaza cat doare, nu conteaza cat ne impiedica, cat ne asteapta, plangem, iubim, visam, zambim, traim… halucinant de vii… am depasit demult momentele cand nu vedeam ce e in jur, momentele cand lumea era doar o serie de evenimente care “ma oftica” sau “ma inveselesc”, si gata, si gata… si acum lumea are un scop in plus, un scop permanent, un ideal, un vis, un motiv (cuvant limitat) de fericire. O fericire in plus! Lumea ne are pe noi… la fel cum si noi avem lumea, si poezia curge din noi, si eu o vad in ochii tai, si tu o vezi in ochii mei; cu tine as muri, cu tine as trai, si dac-as fi mai putin nebun as zice ca prin tine as trai, dar am trecut deja demult de asta, noi. Acum traim mai mult decat prin celalalt…
Oare cum e acum, acolo, e noapte, e vis, e dragoste…? si eu sunt acolo. Sunt cu tine (ne amestecam). Te privesc. Ma privesti. Te iubesc. Ma iubesti. Nu pot scapa. Nu poti scapa.

Nu putem scapa. Atunci cand ma privesti…

-honeybunny

Cu tupeu

Inceputul e doar primul pas, deschidem usa si povestile vor curge…