Entitled: you are here

This is a piece of you that’s in me. This is the piece of paper that only I have, but it’s yours. Actually, cut out the ‘y’. It’s OURS!
Your story, to me. Ours.

“Feelings, empty words and things left unsaid. When will I be able to actually tell them what’s on my mind?
Empty words and hazardous feelings.

Souls glittering in the dark. Nothing but the easy breeze of the sea. It’s just me and the waves. The sand emerging from under the water, like this big gray blanket. It lifts me up, and drives me up to the moon. But the moon won’t take me anymore, saying I betrayed her.
- You’re just a travelling soul trapped inside a mortal’s body now. Where’s your innocence, where’s your truth? I see none of them with you! I guard the night, am I the lord of all dark things, I rule above this mistery underneath. But you, you promised to serve the dark forever! And what do I see? An opened heart, longing soul, glittering yes and distant look!
- You don’t understand, I didn’t know…
- Know what?
- That love can be this blind…
- Please, don’t come to me anymore. Your happiness has nothing to do here. Take her away from me, it burns away my insides. But if I couldn’t have you, then nobody will. I shall lock you somewhere, under the sea and beneath the sand, where your little soul mate will never find you.
- Let me go, moon! I promised to return to him!
Too late… I never thought the dark could hurt. Its mistery always fascinated me. But now… My eyes were crying for the glamour of a ray of light, and my heart, my heart was hurting, was feeling. For all my life, my heart had been hiding, but now my hurt was crying out loud.
- Please, dear heart, stop crying, you’re making me sad. Wasn’t dark everything that we wished for? Didn’t we implore the night to make us her slaves? What are you crying for?
- You don’t get it, do you? weeped my heart. You gave me away, I am not yours anymore.
- What do you mean?
- You fell in love. I’m his now. And I’m gonna have to leave now. I have to get to him, and tell him what happened.
- But, dear heart, will he get your words? For that, he must love me back. Does he love me back, dear heart, does he?
After hours and hours of waiting in the dark, that question was still on my lips. Alone under the sea, without my heart, I started wondering if love was worth all these.
- Nothing before made my heart talk to me, so it must be worth it.
After hours and hours, I felt desperate. Why wasn’t my heart coming back to me. He must not get her, that’s why. He must not love me… I started shivering. That couldn’t be, life can’t be that cruel. No, I trust my heart. She wouldn’t just go after anyone. He loves me and he will save me.
In that very instant, the earth surrounding me started shocking. I heard a long, painful scream and a dim ray of light erupped into the room. And then, I saw him. He had come to save me! But he wasn’t alone! The sun was with him, spreading the light everywhere and defeating the dark. The moon was the one screaming!

Two brown eyes glittering in the sunshine. Nothing but the easy breeze of the sea. It was just us and the waves. The yellow sand was glowing between our fingers.
- It took us some time before we were able to come and save you. We needed you to trust us, to send us a positive thought. That’s what defeated the evil moon.
- I feel my heart beating in my chest, but it won’t talk to me anymore. Why?
- We are but normal humans. We gave away our immortal spirits. Hearts don’t usually talk to people.

Nothing will ever make my heart talk to me again, but now I know it is worth it.”
- by… my angel

My Angel, My Saint

“My life, my love, my heart, my all.”
Nici nu stiu cate luni aveam impreuna cand ai scris asta. Se vede cat iubesti engleza, pornesti cu atat de mult suflet…
Eu. Tu. Eu. Tu. Eu. Tu. Eu. Tu. Asa a fost, pana la un punct, viata fiecaruia.
Noi. Noi. Noi. Noi. Noi. Noi. Noi. Noi…
[...]
… Noi. Noi. Noi. Asa e, de pe 23.03.05 incoace. Eu si tu am devenit noi.

This is me. Unarmed. Revealed. Unrestrained. In front of you…
Always and forever I will be yours, always and forever I am with you. You are my angel. My saint. My everything. And, God knows, for what you’ve made me be, for how big a part of my life you have become since we met, and how you become a bigger and bigger and bigger part with each second, I will love you forever. You are my life, already, and yet we’ve got just a bit over 2 years together now…
And I’m born inside of you. I’m born with you. You are my absolute beauty. My shiny angel, the one that brings me light. The one that brings me to life!
The one that makes me happy!
The one!!!

I wish, of course, I’d take back all the stupid things I’ve ever done. I wish, of course, I’d never had hurt you. I wish, of course, I’d be perfect for you, and you’d be proud of me and say “you are my angel, too”, or something. I wish I was more, everyday, and yet I know, deep down, that I could never be as much as you… I simply couldn’t. I sit up from this screen and yell: I LOVE U. I LOVE U! I! LOVE! U! And you hear me, and you feel me, of course! You’re standing right beside me, aren’t you? Ah, you’re such a cheater! Such a cheater!!! Always by my side…

I forgot to make them when it was time, but I hope it’s not too late now. So, here’s my 2007 (New Year’s) resolutions:
I will care for you, always and forever.
I will fight for you, always and forever.
I will be there when you’re in need, always and forever.
I will be happy when you’re happy, always and forever.
I will give my life for you if I have to, you know…
I will see my mistakes and see how silly I am, and show you all of me, all the time.
I will never lie to you.
I will never tell you something I don’t mean (starting with this, which I really mean!:D).
All in all, I will love you. I will love you like you were my life… cause, guess what? YOU ARE!

You are an angel…

I Can’t Hold My Tears Now
I Can’t Hold Them Back
Maybe She’ll Come Back
Come Back To Me

Those Beautiful Eyes
Those Beautiful Smiles
They’re Like Sugar And Honey
I Was Wrong She Was Right
You Are An Angel
You Are An Angel

Chorus:
If You See, Angels Flying
Wave Goodbye
If You See, Angels Flying
Wave Goodbye

Can’t Hold My Tears Back
We’re Too Far Apart
Maybe She’ll Come Back
Come Back To Me

Those Beautiful Eyes
Those Beautiful Smiles
They’re Like Sugar And Honey
I Was Lost Now I’m Found
Please Forgive Me
You Are An Angel

Chorus:
If You See, Angels Flying
Wave Goodbye
If You See, Angels Flying
Wave Goodbye

Those Beautiful Eyes
Those Beautiful Smiles
They’re Like Sugar And Honey
I Was Wrong She Was Right
You Are An Angel

This is not a sad song, to me, because you’re not gone. You’re here. You’re the angel, my only angel… But I feel this song, I feel it… because…

I was lost, Now I’m found
You are an angel…

my angel…
my angel…
my love…

I(iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii) will always love you(uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu)

PS: See, even U is bigger than I. How can I possibly be as much as U?!

Silly me

She kneeled in front of her fears. She sat on the cold sand, realizing she had been running from herself.

-         Why? Why? She started crying

-         Because you don’t know who you are….a voice said.

She turned around and fainted at the site…

 

Was she really flying? No, wait, the wind was carrying her! Yes, she was on a small, white cloud. Where was it taking her? She couldn’t say where she was or for how long she had been moving like that. They seemed to pass continents, seas and mountains.

-         Where are we going? She yelled, but no one answered.

Then, the cloud disspeared from underneath her, and she started falling. But amazingly, she didn’t feel scared. She knew she wouldn’t hit the ground. Something else scared her: Where am I?

Finally, she spotted a small city underneath. This can’t be!

Yes, it was really her home city!

-         God, I haven’t been here for ages! I wonder how things are around here right now!

She started walking down the street. Things looked just the way she had left them, 15 years ago. She passed the people she used to know, but they didn’t seem to recognize her at all. Somehow, her steps took her to a small, white and green house.

-         Wait a minute, this can’t be! They sold the house, it must have looked different by now! But still, that’s my bike, and the swing,and…no, no, this can’t be! She was looking at a puppy, white and brown, so small that he was almost impossible to spot. What is this? No! Manny, no! I barried you 5 years ago! Manny, you died! She entered the yard, and headed towards the small dog. But he didn’t seem to recognize her either, as he started barking!

She was trembling. She could barely walk.Easily, she approached the house and entered. She could hear screamings from inside. A men and a women were yelling downstairs, while a girl, she must have been around 15, was sitting on the stairs.

She looked at her almost petrified. She understood now, but how was this possible?

-         Why are you here now? The girl asked her. Why weren’t you here when you should have been?

-         What do you mean? She didn’t understand anything anymore.

-         They are arguing because of you, they will brake up, you will run away from home, and your poor mother will kill herself.

-         Who are you? Cathy tried to make her voice not seem desperate.

-         I am you, 15 years ago, only I know who I am. Do you know who you are?

Her look had remorsely any life left in it. If she knew herself! Of course she didn’t! She had ran away from home when she was 15, because her widow mother wanted to marry a new man she couldn’t stand. Who could ever replace her dad? She loved him so much! He was her best friend, he always told her to be careful at everything around her: “You can’t live on your own, you are not the only one around! But before you start exploring the world, make sure you know yourself, or else you will get caught up in the middle and you will lose controll!”. She was 11 when he died. He was an engineer, and died falling down from an electricity pillar, while trying to fix some wires. She was big enough to understand the tragedy. But then, 2 years later, her mother found someone else, and soon, they started talking about marriage. She tried her best to make the guy lose interest in the idea, but she lost track of it, and once she faked some photos figuring him, kissing someone else than her mother. She e-mailed the photos to her mum, anonymously of course, and that’s how the scandal started. The 2 broke up, but her mother was not the same anymore. She didn’t even notice the girl around the house anymore, so the girl couldn’t take it anymore and ran away from home.

But now she was here again. But why?
      -    Why I am here? She asked the girl on the stairs. What am I doing here?

-         Didn’t you want to be here again?

-         Me… I..

-         Didn’t you want to know yourself? Here I am! I am your inner self!

-         I don’t understand!

-         I brought you here with a purpose! I am trying to fight with you, trying to make you understanf your mistakes! I brought you here today hoping you will fix things up!

-         But I… this can’t happen! She was a pshychologist now. And she could almost see, flashing before her eyes, all the times she tried to make people listen to their inner selves. She chose this job hoping it would help her learn more about herself. But all she did wa realize how far away from herself she was, how hard it was for her to talk about herself. I don’t know me, so I don’t know you! So, how could I understand why I am here? She yelled at the girl that threw her a nervous glance.

-         My dear, everybody knoes who they are, one way or another! It’s all in you, waiting for you to open a door!

She thought that the girl’s voice sounded like an old man’s, tired and trembling, but still warm, and willing to teach her all it could. Was her inner-selg getting old?

-         Yes, I am, the girl answered. You tried to hide me somewhere inside of you for so long, that I got tired from trying to keep myseld up! I can’t keep on hearing weary thoughts, listening to your feares and screamings, I need a smile!

She was confused. A smile? How could she smile? She dedicated her life to other people, and making them feel better made her happy, but how could she smile? All she always wanted was to be constantly surrounded by people, always in big groups, where gossips could distract her attention. She feared loneliness. When she was alone, all her thoughts come back to her, memories of her past, and no matter how hard she tried to get rid of them, they always came back. But even when going out with those she called her friends, she was still alone. She didn’t want them to know her, all she wanted was for them to keep her mind busy. How could she smile?

-         What do I have to do? Her voice sounded like an echo inside her mind.

The noise of a glass breaking in the living room seemed to wake her up. And, suddenly, she knew; she reaise her glace, wanting to tell the girl she had understood, but the girl wasn’t there anymore.

With nothing else on her mind, she entered the living room, when the 2 adults stopped when they saw her. For a second, her face froze. She didn’t know how to explain that she was their girl, only 15 years later. But then she realized she wasn’t 30 anymore, she was 15 again. It was all coming back, her own self had given her another chance.

-         I did it, I did it! She started yelling. And with tears in her eyes she explained them everything about the photos. The 2 listened to her, and then her mother hugged her. And she smiled…..

 

She was getting back on her senses. She could sense the salty wind blowing her hair, and the sand underneath her. She opened her eyes and saw her father lookinh at her with a satisfied smile upon her face.

-         I did it, dad, I did it! I cleared things up, they are happy now!

-         Who are you, sweety?

-         I am me, dad, the young girl on the stairs!

The wind started blowing powerfully, and she got sand in her eyes. When she opened them again, her father was gone. But she didn’t look for him, she knew she wouldn’t find him.

She got up on her feet, and decided to take her life from the very beginning all over again.

-         Only this time, I won’t run at all, she said to herself.

Just another story, about another seagull

Flapping his wings, flying high…wish I were a seagull…where is the dark sea now, to take me in its kingdom? I wanna swim, I wanna fly, I want….

But the seagull flew away…

Soft sand…bitter colg breeze…raindrops on a seagull’s feathers. I look up at the sky…is that the seagull crying?

Trapped in this land of peace….The air si frozen now, the waves hurt my eyes…

And the seagull flew away…

Rocks in the middle of the sea…no sound, nothing is moving…Wish I xould breath inside this seagull’s body.. Surrendered by loneliness…Why am I here?

It looks as if all froze…the seagull turns his head…There’s my friend, the sun! Please, don’t go away, not you! You can beat the sunset! Stay with me!

It looked at a flap of wing’s distance…the seagull flew..

Where are you going?

It’s getting dark now…the sunset is almost over….and the seagull is still flying towards the dying sun…Wish I could be the horizon…But the shadows are taking over, and the seagull disspears into the sea….

He wanted the sea, but the sea got him…

Why running for the sun, when we could open our eyes and see it was right here?

Rhetorical

I walk out of the house, wind blowing my hair… Where do I belong?
The sky isn’t calling for me anymore, I have nowhere to go to… I start running barefooted on the alley, thinking of nothing… No tear will touch my cheeks tonight….
The wind grows stronger and stronger and the darkness sorrounds me… Where are u taking me?I shout, but it is in vain…. No one can hear you now!my heart says… You are all alone now…
Thoughts rushing through my head…. memories that are not part of me… Who am I? Who are you?… Go away from me! Leave me alone! My soul is haunting me now, asking for forgiveness! Somebody come and rise me up to my feet, I can’t stand up anymore! Help me! Pitty me, spit on me, but give me your hand! Just let me hold it between my fingers, hold it to my lips…. You are always so warm, so close…. even when you exist in a world I don’t belong to… but where do I belong?
The wind will take me there… will guide my steps…. Since when have you become my friend? Why won’t you leave me alone? Why can’t I be alone?
Alone in the street…shouting at the world… I can almost feel the anger rising up…but then, the feeling of desperation takes over…why are you so keen on controlling me? Who am I?
My feet are running again….but I ain’t going anywhere…not anymore… I’m staying right here… Where are you?
My journey is over… I have reached the apex… There’s the storm.

An endless search

“Your love haunts me… I can see you in the street, I can see you when I look up at the sky, you’re even here now…. with me….
Your love haunts me, while your memory dances in my mind… I think of you no matter what I do, no matter how I am…
Your love haunts me… your eyes watch me… every tear I shed, it’s all for you… every sad glance I throw, it’s all yours…
Your love haunts me… your heart follows me everywhere, while I’m looking for my own… What have you done with it? Where do you keep it and why can’t I follow it there?
Your love haunts me…. to you I give my every breath, my every thought, my every glance… to you I give it all…
My love haunts you… I follow you everywhere, my spirit knows your every move, my heart feels your every heartbeat… My body’s dead… My memory’s helping me write, your love is where from I take my air…. I’m numb…. I can’t see the room around me… I’m dreaming…. You’re here holding my hand, the hand I can no longer feel…. Don’t try to bring the love back to me, stand no chance! I’m fading away, tear by tear, memory by memory…. The show must go on…
I wipe my tears, I put on the smile that nowadays covers my face… and I enter the world… but people are frightened when they see me…. I feel as if I’m not from this world anymore… Where do I belong now?
But you’re not here… and the memories start leaving my mind, one by one, hurting my head, making me kneel before them and beg…
Without you I am nothing! I cry…. But they are going farther and farther away, and they are not coming back again…never…never….never….never….never….never….
I’m dying…but my love for you is eternal…
I’m dying….and I take your memory in my grave…
I’m dying…and your face I shall never see again…
I’m dying…. and I haven’t said goodbye…
I’m dying…but that is just an illusion… One summer day, in the sunshine, you smiled at me… and that made me immortal… I rise to heaven, I look around in the light, and then down, and I see you…. Near the ocean, on the ground, gazing at the horinzon… And that is not a dream, nor an illusion… I have found what I was looking for… I can see my heart….
“Et si tu n’existais pas,
Dis-moi pourquoi j’existerais”

The monologue of a soul

These are all stories written at a time when there was no me left. They were my way of saying “I love you” at a time I thought no one would hear me.
Take them as simple pieces of a travelling soul…

“Blood stains all over my memories… How did I end up like this? Who am I? Though I could love, thoulg I could care…. Wish I could hurt myself, and stop everything else from hurting me… My soul is yours for the taken…and I am yours forever…
Memories dancing in my head… my heart lingers for your touch… your sweet angel’s touch…. My soul needs an embrace… Everything’s so dark in here… I’ve lost my light….”

Are u willing to wait?

” Would I wait for 2 years, or 10 years or whatever?
I would, but would u?
Would u wait, not being sure of what awaits u at the end of ur waiting? Would u wait, just like that, there and now, smiling at a future u are not so sure will come?
Would u wait, not feeling that u’are wasting ur time and life with this waiting?
Would u wait, all alone, letting loneliness sorround u, feeling no remorse and having no second thoughts?
Would u wait, and while waiting, think that the sky above our heads is one for all of us, and for the 2 of us?
I would, but would u?
If ur answer is yes, it means that u know what love is, u know how love is, u don’t fear sufferance, u are never truly alone, u have understood the beauty and complexity of living.
If ur answer to this is no, it means that u are afraid to let ur mind explore the world thru ur heart, u feed on appereances, crave for superficial attention, keep ur inner-self away from the touch of the exterior.
If u are lying to urself about this it means that u are or u wanna be desperate, u long for shared and cherished love, yet hide that, fear to truly and completely give urself, are hopinf for it all “just to happen”

Answer…

A treia oara lp2303

Pentru tine, my girl… atunci cand cuvintele nu sunt deajuns…
Happy Birthday to… us!

-honeybunny

(atunci) cand ma privesti

Calatoresc, calatoresc, draga… ma simti? Te privesc. Chiar in ochi, si-n ochii tai, nu ai altcuiva, ochii tai unde frazele sunt mai lungi decat limba romana poate permite, unde totul se cuprinde singur si se pierde, unde se intalnesc norii si pietrele, unde ne sarutam la lumina flacarii ce tot in ei se gaseste, dragostea se pierde, dar se regaseste, nu are unde fugi, e prinsa si ea, cu mine, cu tine (ne amestecam), in negrul ochilor tai, in profundul fara fund, in adanc, in tine, unde privesc si timpul sta in loc, unde calatoresc, calatoresc, draga… ma simti?
Si frazele se termina cu intrebari, dar nu intrebari de nesiguranta, intrebari de om pierdut, pierdut fara speranta, sunt fara speranta in fata ta, caci atunci imi prinzi privirea, nu-ti mai scap, sunt prins, prizonier, cu tine (ne amestecam) cu tine, cu dragoste, cu zambetul cel care te face sa te simti frumoasa cand ma privesti, cu frumusetea fara sfarsit, cu sufletul nostru, la singular, uau! la singular acest zambet ne umple, sufletul nostru… ne umple.
Si frazele nu se mai termina… nu stiu unde ma aflu, altundeva decat cu tine. Ma privesti, si nu mai pleci, nu te mai opresti, ma iubesti. Ma iubesti, acum, aici?
Ma iubesti…

Am un tweety care blinkaie, si pentru ca blinkaie mai rar decat inima mea cand te simte, mai rar decat ochii tai cand ma privesc, mai rar decat picura picaturi de ploaie in jurul nostru, mai incet decat se va invarti lumea cand ne vom reuni intr-un sarut, pentru toate astea si inca multe altele il fac eu sa blinkaie, il iau in mana si ma joc cu bateria…
Si ma plimb prin tine, cand ma privesti, ma plimb si nu mi-e frica de nimic, nici macar de ce ti-e tie frica, si nu e ciudat, si e liber, si simt cum tremuri, cum locurile cele pline de emotie aproape-ti dau lacrimi in ochi, dar ei raman deschisi, ma privesti, ma privesti si cand privesti in jur, si cand dormi, si cand fugi de tine, si cand fugi de mine, nu, nu, si tu esti prinsa in privirea ta, caci te iubesc acolo, si ma iubesti acolo, si suntem fara scapare, in ochii tai intunecati, unde suntem halucinant de vii, nu-i asa? Plini de poezie, cu tine (ne amestecam)
… gandurile-n noapte ne sunt o alta amintire, sunt o alta legatura, sunt expresia privirii, privirii dintre noi. Si ma privesti…

Cand ma privesti, timpul se opreste.
Cand ma privesti, frazele, oricat de lungi ar fi, nu sunt suficiente.
Cand ma privesti aducem toata lumea inauntru.

Suntem egoisti?
Suntem posesivi?
Suntem prea ingrijorati? Prea implicati?
Prea multe griji sa pun atatea astfel de intrebari, nu?

Cand ma privesti, nu sunt nicaieri si in acelasi timp sunt peste tot, sunt… acolo, ma absorbi. Cand ma privesti ma iubesti! Dar cand nu ma privesti? Ne amestecam… gandurile-n noapte. Ne amestecam pana ajungem soapte. Si suntem atat de mici si prostuti incat si acum, aici, traim undeva, traim impreuna, si nu conteaza cat doare, nu conteaza cat ne impiedica, cat ne asteapta, plangem, iubim, visam, zambim, traim… halucinant de vii… am depasit demult momentele cand nu vedeam ce e in jur, momentele cand lumea era doar o serie de evenimente care “ma oftica” sau “ma inveselesc”, si gata, si gata… si acum lumea are un scop in plus, un scop permanent, un ideal, un vis, un motiv (cuvant limitat) de fericire. O fericire in plus! Lumea ne are pe noi… la fel cum si noi avem lumea, si poezia curge din noi, si eu o vad in ochii tai, si tu o vezi in ochii mei; cu tine as muri, cu tine as trai, si dac-as fi mai putin nebun as zice ca prin tine as trai, dar am trecut deja demult de asta, noi. Acum traim mai mult decat prin celalalt…
Oare cum e acum, acolo, e noapte, e vis, e dragoste…? si eu sunt acolo. Sunt cu tine (ne amestecam). Te privesc. Ma privesti. Te iubesc. Ma iubesti. Nu pot scapa. Nu poti scapa.

Nu putem scapa. Atunci cand ma privesti…

-honeybunny